Suppressed

I was planning to meet up with a childhood friend.


Well, we're not exactly friends, since we barely even talked to each other. When we were in Grade 6, we sat next to each other, but I never had the chance to engage her in a conversation that lasted for more than a minute. Now that I think about it, I've never talked to her at all. Not inside the classroom, at least.


My first and only real conversation with her, which lasted more than a minute, was almost twenty years after and it was only over the phone. It was a surreal feeling to finally talk to her after all those years. 


I felt like a schoolboy all over again. Stuttering. Blushing. Fumbling.


While we never had those conversations that defined relationships, I have retained memories that revealed connections. I certainly felt connected to her, although I never knew for certain if she felt the same way too.


That afternoon, as I was about to board the plane on the way to the city where she lived, I sent her a text message asking if she was free that night for dinner or coffee.


But since I had to turn off the phone as I boarded the plane, I only received her reply when I arrived in the city where she lived.

My heart raced and crashed as soon as I read her message. She couldn't meet up because she was not feeling well that day. She was even absent for work.


I was disappointed...


But then she also said she would be free the next evening.


And if my fingers could express themselves as it scrolled through her message on my phone, it would stutter, blush, and fumble.


But then I could only stay for a night because the next day I'd be moving to another city.


I felt torn. I would have wanted to stay behind. But I could not. I should not. I better not.


Some things do not happen for a reason.


But oh, how I would have wanted to see her.